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As a parent, I have speculated on some matters and issues that hinder positive parenting. That’s why I decided to never let my young kids adopt certain habits that leave indelible negative effects on their wellbeing.
A Never-Ending Task
No one can deny the fact that no responsibility ever compares to raising one’s own kids and disciplining them, especially younger children. All responsibilities have a time-to-end schedule or deadline except for parenting which is a 24-hour/7-day task.
In fact, tending to children and satisfying their physical, emotional, and mental needs can take its toll on parents.
Parents’ Duties and Responsibilities
However, parents generally insist on empowering their own children and bringing them up properly in their early years. They want them to become independent and responsible adults who leave a positive impact when they become mature individuals.
Parents’ big deal is to provide their young kids with care, attention, security, and safety.
Not to Be Ignored
Nevertheless, while doing so, parents often -either intentionally or unwillingly- overlook key strategical conditions and important life skills that they need not ignore in order to raise independent children and healthy individuals.
So, sometimes parents allow their children to adopt certain practices or principles that are detrimental to the sound growth of their kids.
A Positive Parent
As a parent and a role model of two daughters who are still at a young age, I have tried to be attentive to a lot of things. These things stand out as hurdles in the path of positive parenting and are behind every bad behavior that young and older kids engage in.
Thus, while aspiring at rearing my kids in the most idealistic manner, I -as a mother- have formed a list of prohibitions that I would never let my kids do.
I Never Let Them Do These
Although the list is long, four main actions emerge as the don’ts that parents are highly recommended to avoid.
To ensure that my children are under my supervision most of the time at this young age, I decided not to send my kids to daycare or let them have sleepovers.
Besides, as a mother, I would try to avoid forcing them to be perfectionist, and, above all, I try not to spoil my kids.
Consider Other Alternatives Than Sending Kids to Daycares
I Prefer Not to Send Kids to Daycares
In my opinion, some daycares are not trustworthy these days. I can be too much with my opinion and maybe basing it off on bad news we often hear. But I feel that unless a parent has access to cameras all the time, which many daycares do not allow, a daycare can’t be reliable.
Personally, I prefer to live in a minimalist manner and budget my expenses to exposing my kids to the diverse perils resulting from the need to send them to daycare for the purpose of earning more money.
Few Benefits Compared to the Dangers
Children’s Physical and Mental Health at Stake
However, compared to the negatives, these advantages become negligible and minimal. A major disadvantage is related to health where babies and young toddlers, being immunosensitive, can easily get infections and viruses.
Furthermore, several studies have found out that kids raised at daycares are more likely to experience stress, become aggressive, and manifest behavioral issues later on in middle and high schools than those taken care of by their mothers.
The Precious Moments
That’s why I’m an opponent of sending younger kids to daycares. Because I’m a very protective and loving mother, I have a nice time being with my children and observing them grow up.
Actually, children move towards teen years and become young adults fast, and being with them during their moments of rapid growth is a the most pleasurable asset to me.
Other Healthier Alternatives
I know that a lot of parents have no other choice but to send their own kids to daycare, but, if it comes to me, I’d rather pay one of my family members or a family friend to attend to my children or choose to work remotely from home than place them in daycare.
Some parents resort to daycare as a means of gaining peace of mind for some time during the day, but I have an opposing attitude. According to me, the most important thing related to peace of mind comes from my children being around me all the time.
Later in life, we might not have a lot of quality time such as family meals, road trips, Sunday mornings,..to spend with our young children. So, we have to make use of these moments during their early childhood because these moments create the pleasing memories that will last with us forever and will make our connection with kids even stronger.
Why Am I Against Sleepovers?
Another practice that I’m reserved about as a parent is to let my kids have unregulated sleepovers. Nowadays, based on many accounts and real-life examples, some close relatives are hard to trust when it comes to leaving children with them.
I remember growing up with only one sleepover at my cousins’ house, which my mom knew was the safest place for me. When I reflect back on this, I find it the right thing to do.
Yes to Regulated and Supervised Sleepovers
If my kids want to have a sleepover at their grandparents, I would definitely allow it, but I have to make sure that there are no other persons than my husband’s parents.
You might wonder about the cause of this strictness. Well, the reason is that I would never jeopardize my kids’ life or expose them to unfavorable circumstances.
The Dark Side of Sleepovers
We have heard a lot of accounts about kids being physically or sexually abused by family members during sleepovers. A child’s being alone fosters the harassing behaviors of some sick family members who exploit the absence of the kid’s own parents.
Another major issue with sleepovers is that they sometimes spoil children and disrupt their beliefs and behaviors. Parents set limits and and impose house rules. However, at many times, sleepovers make parents pay an extra cost as they are associated with bullying, drug and alcohol abuse, inappropriate behavior,…
While having sleepovers for a long time, especially at the grandparents’ house, children are given unlimited freedom. They can act anyway they desire, eat whatever they favor even if it’s unhealthy, and sleep at very late hours.
Such permissiveness clashes with the parents’ efforts to implant values in children and discipline them. It also instills a sense of loss and confusion inside the kids who often have difficult time deciding as to which rules to follow.
But to make my kids experience the fun associated with sleepovers, I may allow it in one condition: if I am there with them. In this case, my kids would be under my supervision and protection.
Another alternative would be welcoming their friends or cousins in my own house. That would spare me the worry of remote sleepovers and would grant my children the joy they desire.
Don’t Be Hard on Your Kids
Never Aim for Perfectionism
Being perfectionist in raising my kids is another menace that I shy away from. I have met so many parents who put much strain on their sons and daughters to be perfect.
I raise my children through love and teach them by action so that they grow up to be strong and independent. But trying to make them be perfect is something that I evade.
Instead, I detect their strengths and build on them. By highlighting their potent capacities, I implant in them self-confidence and motivation that would lead them to prosperity.
For instance, my 8-year-old daughter is gifted at drawing, so I always praise the way she engages lines and produces paintings. I also show her that she can be good at anything she puts her mind to.
It’s Ok to Fail
However, when it comes to acquiring new skills or extra-curricular activities like karate, she doesn’t do well since she lacks focus. Here, I just leave her to bring out some efforts, no matter how minimal they are.
Karate is the best defense in real-life situations that require the use of physical force. But if I put pressure on her, she will absolutely hate karate and feel insecure. It lowers her self-esteem whereas acclaiming her least attempts has made her become more focused.
My Own Experience: An Inspiration
Growing up, I was never perfect, and to my good luck, it has made me who I am today. It’s an armor that I rely on while facing challenges and obstacles.
That’s why I want my children to be who they are without putting any strain on them. This makes them mentally and psychologically free and eventually leads them to success in their relationships.
Never Spoil Your Children
Never Spoil Your Kids
Last but not least, I would never ever spoil my kids. Spoiled children always take things for granted. They never appreciate the struggle and conflict that we, as parents, go through.
The issue with spoiling children is that it is at the root of so many future dilemmas. It enhances dissatisfied individuals who expect more and more all the time.
When kids are given whatever they ask for such as more TV time, candies, potato chips, toys,.. they will figure out that it’s possible to get what they want anytime they want it.
This will cause them anxiety and depression as they grow up and realize that they can’t get everything they want. Hence, they will be broken and fail to live in a minimalist style.
My eight-year-old daughter often complains about the size of our house. She demands having her own room in a larger house, just like her cousins.
In order to make her appreciate what she has, I often direct her to videos on YouTube showing how and where homeless and poor people live. This makes her appreciate the blessing of having a roof over her head and a room for her sister and her.
No Comparing with Other Kids
I also instruct her to never compare herself and her life with anyone else, even her cousins. That was how I grew up. Actually, it made me value what I had, no matter how little it was.
I teach my kids who are in middle school the hazard behind overdoing things. For example, I explain to them that having two candies instead of one will surely make them feel happy. Nonetheless, it will harm their health.
I tell them that “mama loves you. Because of that, she limits using social media or playing video games, for she wants the best for you”. Whether what my kids want to have is tangible or not, I do me best in order not to overdo it.
The Truth That Hurts
I know it’s tough and not easy, especially when it comes to saying NO to a kid. But sometimes we have to leave our emotions behind and set realistic expectations. Failing to manage children’s needs and demands results in unfavorable effects on both us and our kids as well.
Other Actions That Disrupt Positive Parenting
- Threatening to leave them behind
- Letting them depend totally on me
- Living my life through theirs
- Not assigning them responsibilities
- Always comparing them with others
- Being inconsistent in disciplining them
- Allowing them to have wrong friends
- Forcing friendships on them
- Rushing them up all the time
If you’re interested in things you can do with your kids, check my travel blog.